Catalysts of HOPEHealing
Our People & Earth
Bike4Peace
Bike4Peace
Influencing the Behavior of Others
The more I learn, the more I realize how very little I know. True Fact: I could not draw a single breath without the support of a complex network of miracles which I don't fully understand and could never control. Although I have free will, I am a tiny part of the whole, whose will supersedes my own. It is a great challenge to control my own behavior, so that I begin to feel that each moment I'm being as loving as I can and doing the most effective act I can imagine.
I have neither time nor wisdom to control another's behavior. Yet I need others, so that I can be a healthy part of the whole. I can imagine ways that we could work together, if I can influence the behaviors of others. To have any influence, I must remember that every person has free will and a full life. Each other may want to influence me to do something and some of their ideas may be better than mine. Better yet, we may be able to collaborate by combining ideas. That will require that I spend more time listening than talking.
I don't want anybody to do anything for me that doesn't improve that person's life. I have no right to demand anything of another person, but I know that my deepest joy comes from serving others' needs. Assuming others find joy in the same way that I do, a request can be a gift. Keeping all this in mind, I can look straight into another's eyes and make my request with a clear firm voice that reflects my confidence.
Through years of canvassing strangers door-to-door, I've adopted a method of making requests that has proven very successful. I've applied this same method among corporate executives and found it equally effective. I call it "Problem, Solution, Action," though I've also heard it called "Situation, Target, Proposal."
The introduction is key. Describe the proposal in one or two words and ask for your listener's time. For example, "Hi, Jane. I'd like to ask you to invest in my new Whopdoodler. Do you have a few minutes to talk?" If not, Jane may want to schedule a time, or she may want to wriggle off the hook. Please give Jane the opportunity to save you both time. You have no reason to push Jane into an awkward situation. It's much easier to find another person to hear your proposal. You may continue to ask more people until your needs are met.
In preparation for the request, I divide my proposal into three parts - problem, solution, and action - each of which is communicated in turn. As always, communication is a two way process. I listen for input from the other and respond to concerns as they are raised. At each stage, I seek confirmation that my listener agrees. First we concur on the problem; then we envision the solution; and finally I ask for a specific action that the listener is able to perform now. It is important that the listener acknowledge being affected by the problem before embracing the vision of solution, and finally being asked for something specific.
As an example, let's assume that I'm proposing that my closest neighbors meet for two days to discuss simplifying our lifestyles. I want to invite every neighbor, including those with very different ideologies and perspectives. What follows is a script I would use for a cold call at the door. It can be useful to role-play with a confidant before trying it live.
[Establish and maintain eye contact.]
Hi, my name is ___________________. I live over there [point] at ___________________. I'm inviting twenty of our closest neighbors to meet on _________________ at __________________. Do you have a few minutes to talk?
[Wait for an answer, looking into your neighbor's eyes.]
[If no...] Is there a better time I could come by? [wait] [If no...] Thank you. Goodbye.
[If possible, schedule another time.]
[If yes...] I'm sure you'll agree we live in challenging times. [Continue to list & extrapolate problems only until you get signs that your neighbor agrees.]
Cheap oil is a thing of the past.
The climate is changing.
War is killing thousands.
Pollution is growing more serious.
Our liberty is under threat.
[As soon as your neighbor agrees there is a problem, steer the conversation toward the solution.]
Whatever we each believe about the problems, I'm sure we can agree we'll get through the challenging times better if our community is strong. [Continue to extrapolate only until you see signs of agreement.]
We can support each other to live more sustainably and independently.
Together we know more than we do separately.
Our strengths and needs may complement each other.
We're each better off if we can rely upon each other.
Perhaps we can find ways to collaborate.
[When your neighbor seems excited by the potential solution, steer the conversation toward the proposed action.]
Will you meet with us all day on _________ and ___________ at ___________________? [Wait for an answer, looking into your neighbor's eyes.]
[Respond to any questions or concerns. Share a description of the workshop. If you don't know the answer, say so, then promise to get back to your neighbor. Make a note to help you follow through.]
[When yes, get your neighbor to write name & contact information onto a list of committed neighbors. Give the neighbor a card with time, date, and place and any expectations (meals, children, etc.)] Thank you very much. I'll see you at our meeting.
[Remember to follow through with any scheduled appointments or unanswered questions. A reminder call to each neighbor the day before the meeting will be worthwhile.]
I'm sure you can see how this "Problem, Solution, Action" format can be applied to virtually any request.
